In middle school I used to think that I was boring.
I was always so scared to have a sleepover with just one other person because I was afraid that we would never have anything to talk about. I was the shyest one in my friend group who always had her head in a book. Who felt like the 5th wheel at every occasion. It was always: "Oh Heaven, Madison's friend." or "Oh Heaven, Emma's friend." I used to be afraid of the dark. Like every kid in their pull-ups and pjs I was afraid of what I couldn't see. I wasn't necessarily scared of the monster under my bed but that doesn't mean I still didn't run to my bed every time I turned off the light. Hiding my little head under the blankets taking deep breaths until my I calmed myself down. I used to get nose bleeds all of the time. I guess it was the mix of dry Arizona air and genetics that had me bleeding almost once a week. After a while I got used to it. The routine:
but sometimes I like to look back on old me. To see how far I've come, and I realize that deep down that old me is still there. I am much more outgoing now. I enjoy meeting new people and talking and laughing and being LOUD. I will admit that sometimes being the center of attention gets to my head sometimes but there are still moments. moments when I'm quiet as can be. not because I'm shy, but because I have nothing to say, I'm just not in the mood. but I enjoy sleepovers much more now because I've realized that you don't need to be constantly talking to have a good time with someone. Sometimes its okay to sit in silence. I can also admit that I still am scared of the dark. I'm not as obvious about it now that I'm older, but I when I turn of the lights, I still walk a little faster than normal to get to my bed :) I don't get nosebleeds anymore. or at least not as much as I used to. but I still get them and I control them the same way that I used to. I think that when people grow they acquire new traits, but that doesn't mean they have to get rid of the old ones. I'm not Heaven, the girl who used to be afraid of being boring, or Heaven, the girl who used to be afraid of the dark, or Heaven, the girl who used to be embarrassed about her nosebleeds, .... I'm just Heaven. :)
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I want to throw a drink in someone's face
I want to get soooo mad at someone that I don't care about the consequences. I want to see their shocked expression when the cold glass of sweet tea that I was just drinking, suddenly ends up on their face. But not just on their face. All over their clothes, their shoes I want them to feel like they just took a bath in sweet tea. Then, I wanna laugh. because what I just did was hilarious and I was caught up in the moment. Then I want to storm away like they do in the movies. I want to dine and dash. Not because I'm insanely poor, but because I want the experience. I want the exhilarating feeling. I want my palms to be sweating buckets as I dash out of the door. I wanna feel like I just swallowed a frog because I'm so scared of getting caught. I want my adrenaline levels to climb no soar. I want to travel the world I want to go to a waterfall in Hawaii or Australia, or Fiji and I want to watch the water go on its everyday journey and smile or cry because it so darn beautiful then I want to drive rent an expensive car and drive who cares where to drive fast faster then needed and turn the radio up to its highest setting windows down and everything and I want people to give me dirty looks because they don't agree I want someone to smile at me. smile at me like the friend zoned guy does to the main character in the movies. I want them to smile because they know I'm can be crazy and irrational but I can also be kind. I want them to smile like they know a secret about me that no one else does. Because they know a side about me that no else has seen and we do crazy things together like smash fruit in an old field or sit on rooftops together, and throw food at the people passing by or go to the beach, in the winter, and go in the water with all of our clothes on and then laugh because we're idiots. or lay together I don't care where it could be the park, my bed, or yours and we could listen to my favorite music and maybe a little of yours too if you can get a word in. and we can lay and just be be us be silent be free xoxo Heavkinz Over the past summer I went to a peacock farm and it was probably one of the most unique experiences ever. Now I don't really know a lot about peacocks besides the fact that the fan there feathers when mating (which sadly we didn't go during mating season so we didn't see any of this) but my dad told me about the reasoning behind the farm. Here's what I remember, fill in the blanks when needed.
Some rich guy owned a large plantation and imported a bunch of peacocks then he died so now the farm is a museum of some sorts. |
Author:Straight from my mind to yours. Quote of the Month:Destroy the thoughts, not yourself Archives
January 2019
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