In middle school I used to think that I was boring.
I was always so scared to have a sleepover with just one other person because I was afraid that we would never have anything to talk about. I was the shyest one in my friend group who always had her head in a book. Who felt like the 5th wheel at every occasion. It was always:
"Oh Heaven, Madison's friend."
"Oh Heaven, Emma's friend."
I used to be afraid of the dark. Like every kid in their pull-ups and pjs I was afraid of what I couldn't see. I wasn't necessarily scared of the monster under my bed but that doesn't mean I still didn't run to my bed every time I turned off the light. Hiding my little head under the blankets taking deep breaths until my I calmed myself down.
I used to get nose bleeds all of the time. I guess it was the mix of dry Arizona air and genetics that had me bleeding almost once a week. After a while I got used to it. The routine:
but sometimes I like to look back on old me. To see how far I've come, and I realize that deep down that old me is still there.
I am much more outgoing now. I enjoy meeting new people and talking and laughing and being LOUD. I will admit that sometimes being the center of attention gets to my head sometimes but there are still moments.
moments when I'm quiet as can be.
not because I'm shy, but because I have nothing to say, I'm just not in the mood.
but I enjoy sleepovers much more now because I've realized that you don't need to be constantly talking to have a good time with someone. Sometimes its okay to sit in silence.
I can also admit that I still am scared of the dark. I'm not as obvious about it now that I'm older, but I when I turn of the lights, I still walk a little faster than normal to get to my bed :)
I don't get nosebleeds anymore.
or at least not as much as I used to.
but I still get them
and I control them the same way that I used to.
I think that when people grow they acquire new traits, but that doesn't mean they have to get rid of the old ones.
I'm not Heaven, the girl who used to be afraid of being boring,
Heaven, the girl who used to be afraid of the dark,
Heaven, the girl who used to be embarrassed about her nosebleeds,
I'm just Heaven. :)