' Yesterday marked 19 years of me living on God's green earth. In the past my birthday has been something that I really looked forward to; the attention, the gifts; and the celebration of me. My mother would always spend the day with me doing everything that I wanted. She called it an "all about me day" and that is exactly what it was. We usually went out to breakfast and then spent the rest of the day shopping with the birthday money I had received. But as I got older my birthday became less exciting and more of a let down. Being so young for my grade aging up didn't seem as exciting because everyone else already passed the same milestone. My birthday also happens to fall very close to thanksgiving and some years its the same day. This made it hard for me to have birthday parties as I got older because all of my friends had to spend time with their families during the holiday season. Overall my birthday seemed to become something that instead making me feel celebrated, made me feel unfulfilled.
The past couple weeks of my life have been some of the most exhausting physically and emotionally. I suffered from a severe case of pneumonia which left me feeling weak and I started to become severely sad due piling insecurities and stressful events happening in my life. Overall I wasn't looking forward to this years birthday celebrations.
However this birthday different. I woke up in a good mood for the first time in what felt like forever. It was probably from the love I was feeling from the night before. I stayed up until the clock struck midnight and opened up the cards from my family. My extended family sends me cards for Christmas and my birthday every year but for the first time I felt incredibly thankful and appreciative for the cards I had received. I got dressed in a cute outfit and actually did my makeup and hair for class. I spent the day feeling confident with each incoming celebratory text message from old friends and new. Later that day I got my favorite dessert (fro-yo) with best friends. They showered me with the best gifts and again I felt truly loved and appreciated.
It was something that I really needed. I was feeling very alone and it seemed that negative thoughts just continued to pile into my head. My birthday was a reminder that I am truly loved by the people I surround myself with and at the end of the day I have their support no matter what I'm going through. This is something that I sometimes forget when I overthink myself into a hole.
So Cheers to Nineteen!!
Its my last official year as a teen before I enter the world of the 20 somethings. My goal this year is to grow. I think I spent too much of 18 thinking. My introspective though became more harmful than beneficial. I began to focus on my bad faults instead of my good. This year will be different. Nineteen is the year of focusing on the good. My good traits, my good relationships, my good goals and dreams. I will not let self pity consume me anymore. These are the times of my life I've been looking forward to for forever and its finally time to live.