Recently I've started watching Sex and the City and I can already tell that its going to one of my new favorite shows if not my favorite of all time. It might be too soon to tell considering I'm only on episode 5 (hehe). I think watching Sex and the City is a right of passage. Its something I remember my mother watching with her girlfriends when I was younger, shooing me out of the room because of the MANY intimate scenes. Now I'm finally older and more mature to understand the context of the show. Dating in New York is a lot like dating in college. All of the sweet men are taken and we're left with the ones who only care about looks. College boys (I wouldn't dare call them men) run wild and enjoy nothing but no strings attached relationships.
My experiences with love are slim to none. Growing up my way of showing I liked a guy was picking on him enough to make him think I hated him. When I got to high school I was still shy in my love advances and kept most of my crushes at just that, a crush. I only ever got close with one guy while I was in high school. He was very sweet to me and took every punch I through at him. I enjoyed hanging out with him after school and learning more about him and his family. My only regret from high school is that we never had an official relationship which was mainly due to me. I was the one who was scared. Scared of what it meant to be someone's "girlfriend" and what it entailed.
Now I'm a sophomore in college and it seems like more more I yearn for a significant other to spend my time with. But there is still some part of me that feels like I'm not ready for one. My problem with relationships is that I give the boy too much power. I let him determine the relationship which usually ends up being nothing more than a hookup. I'm too afraid to admit how I really feel in fear that I'll get hurt. Lying to my friends that I don't like a guy so it doesn't seem like I'm pathetic. Time and time again I fall for boys who don't feel the same and I cling onto whatever kind of relationship I can get from them. Not only is this a big ding in my self confidence but it leaves me with the ever present question
What did I do wrong?
, Was I too clingy? Am I not pretty enough? Did I say the wrong thing? Am I not a good kisser? and the list goes on and on...... but watching Sex and the City has made me realize that I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. If I continue to pawn after shitty college guys I'm going to continue to get the same results. If I continue to look for love in sweaty frat parties I'm going to continue to get the same results. It's like looking through the dumpster in hopes of finding a diamond necklace. You can look, but odds are you're not going to find the diamond in the rough. Most of the time college isn't where you're going to find your true love and that's okay. It is okay if a guy doesn't like you back. You have the rest of your life to find the one. You should not get choked up over someone who's just passing in your life. So in that case, kiss a couple frogs and have fun with it. You're only young once. More often that not us woman give men all the power. Why can't we be in control for once? As Carrie said, "Why can't we fuck like men?".
One day I will find my person and when I do it's going to be great. So instead of crying over all of the frogs I've kissed I can instead learn from them. I can learn what I do and do not want in a relationship. I can set standards for how I want to be treated. I am not going to let boys control the narrative anymore. I'm taking the reigns now, I'm calling the shots. And who knows, maybe one of these frogs might turn out to be a prince ;)